Datey Ladies with Barbara Ann & Vera Duffy

Dr. Amie / Abuse Resources

Trigger Warning: Intimate Partner Violence

Our friend Amie Harwick was murdered by a former boyfriend the morning of February 15th, 2020 in her home.

After our podcast recording on January 26th, we talked for a long time about her recent run-in with him. He had blown up at her in public at an event she attended to support Pineapple Support Society; he was there as a photographer.

She was frightened, and she did not know what she could do about it. She’d had restraining orders before. They are not easy to prove necessary, they require victim and abuser to be in the same room, they do not provide physical protection, they expire. And most importantly, they do not in any meaningful way address the root of the problem — the person committing the abuse.

Amie wasn’t safe in public; she wasn’t safe in her own bedroom. She was utterly failed by a system that refuses to take victims’ safety seriously, and to treat the abusers. Her friend has set up a petition at to help change this. We urge you to sign. It is a first step.

Amie’s mission was to help people. We will not let that fade.

Half of all female homicide victims are killed by intimate partners. Women of color are at even greater risk.


You are not alone. While imperfect, there are resources available from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services at, from recognizing the signs of abuse to seeking help.

You must take your safety seriously. Leaving your abusive situation can be the most dangerous part. If ever you fear for your immediate safety, CALL 911.

If you are concerned your internet history may be monitored while seeking resources, call 24/7 :
The National Domestic Violence hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
The National Dating Abuse hotline: 866-331-9474 or 866-331-8453
The National Sexual Assault hotline: 800-656-4673

Click here for a Comprehensive list of Abuse Resources, covering a wide range of specific topics, including Reproductive Coercion, Non-Consensual Pornography, and Resources for Men & Boys.


Learn to recognize your own signs of anger issues and abusive behavior, and get yourself help.

For information on treatment:
SAMHSA (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services): 1-800-662-HELP (24/7) or visit the treatment locator. This is confidential and anonymous.

The National Alliance on Mental Health: 1-800-950-NAMI (Monday-Friday 10am-6pm ET) or email for resources.

If you are having an emergency:
Call 911 and tell the operator you are having a psychiatric emergency.

If you are in crisis:
Text NAMI to 741741
Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-TALK (8255)